Your bathroom reveals a lot about your personality. So, why not make its walls come alive and show off the kind of person you are inside?
This piece of funny wall art titled “How To Pee With Morning Wood” is a piece of interior decor with a difference! It is a self-help guide for dealing with an enormous issue that most of us guys face first thing in the morning every single day of our lives.
Guys! Seriously, it’s high time we stopped wasting our time with cold showers and photos of pregnant women. As your number one self-help guru on this all-important matter, the How to Pee with Morning Wood wall art helpfully presents nine (9) carefully illustrated options available to help you hit your mark with “balls-on” precision while you try to manage the curse of a hose that refuses to bend.
The How to Pee with Morning Wood piece is a semi-gloss print poster available in different sizes. And since you asked, here are all the options it features for how to pee with morning wood:
- The Wait: I wonder how this one made it to the list. Just like looking at photos of pregnant women and taking cold showers, this must be the baseline of what NOT to do.
- The Frog: Straddle the toilet on the balls of your feet. Bend your knees and place your palms on the floor. If your posture looks like that of a frog, you’re getting somewhere! This option however seems to require a bit spinal and hip flexibility which older (or fatter) guys might find hard to muster. Anyways, read on for other great options…
- The Lunge: Take a knee (like Colin Kaepernick), but with a boner primed for peeing instead of in protest against police brutality. This one isn’t too hard to pull off.
- The Tube: Even though your “god-given” hose won’t bend, you can still recruit the services of an artificial hose that will!
- The Blow Dryer: Another tool you can recruit to help complete your business. If you want to keep things masculine, you could even upgrade from the blow dryer and get a hot air gun instead.
- The Portal: My personal favorite! There’s some really cool Doctor Strange stuff going on with this one – but to test it out requires a lot of “faith”. You may end up just whizzing on the wall and finding out that the creators of this How To Pee With Morning Wood Wall Art are just f*cking with us on this one.
- The Gymnast: Remember the Seinfeld episode about good naked and bad naked? (It’s here). I’m sure this Gymnast position totally makes it into the bad naked category. But if it helps you pee with morning wood, why not?!
- The Handstand: Look mama, only one hand! Hold on, what am I saying? Don’t look! Get out of here!
- The Superhero: It’s a Bird… It’s a Plane… It’s Superman’s style of peeing with morning wood! Ahhhh.
The How To Pee With Morning Wood Wall Art is both a decorative art frame and a “functional” illustration. It comes encased in a panel with a hook attached at the back.
You can hang it anywhere around your home (not just on your bathroom wall).
The linked product comes in a 20 x 20 inch (or 50 x 50 cm) size (but there are other smaller sizes), mounted on a wooden strip to make it easy to hang on a wall.
This is a canvas wall art, with an eco-ink resolution. It is printed on authentic and water-proof canvas.
I think this product’s water-resistance is a cool bonus since this piece of art would probably end up on bathroom walls in most bachelor pads and man caves. The canvas is also stretched and stapled to shrink-resistant frames.